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Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier (Part 3)
/in Sharpening Your Personal Leadership Skills/by Tom DoescherTom Doescher
The Four Idols framework says everyone is driven by the pursuit of one (or more) of the following idols: money, power, pleasure, and fame. According to Brooks, we make most of our daily decisions based on the worship of our idol. The downside: As we strive to get “closer” to our idol, we find ourselves on an endless chase for more. We incorrectly assume that this chase will lead us to the promised land of happiness. Brooks and Winfrey say we don’t need to reject our idol; the goal is to develop a conscious awareness of our own idol — to become aware of what’s motivating and driving us, and to understand the separation between this chase and our lifelong pursuit of fulfillment and happiness.
The Four Idols exercise is simple: Use the process of elimination to identify your primary idol. Remember, there’s nothing wrong with any of these idols; they’re perfectly natural. The key is to become aware of your idol, to understand the role and influence it has in your decision-making and life, and to realize that chasing this idol won’t lead to happiness on its own. By using what you learned about metacognition in my last blog, you will become aware of your idol and possibly modify your behavior just by being more aware of it.
To make this understandable, when I listened to Tim Ferriss interview Brooks, I realized that my idol is a version of fame. I seek to be a recognized, respected business advisor to owner-operated businesses. I’m not hoping to see my name in The Wall Street Journal or Crain’s Detroit Business, but I’d like to be well-known by the business owners in my network.
What is your idol, and how much striving to attain it is actually starving you of true happiness? You’ll find out more about the authors’ categories for happiness in my next blog.
Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier (Part 2)
/in Sharpening Your Personal Leadership Skills/by Tom DoescherTom Doescher
Here are some of my takeaways related to metacognition:
1. Say your last performance review at work was substantially positive, filled with lots of compliments and pats on the back. But then there was that one mild criticism (a little thorn among the roses). That’s what you focus on, right? Guilty as charged.
2. According to the authors, our “sensitivity to negative bias” is too high.
3. Brain scientists have proven that gratitude raises our positive emotions.
4. Cicero wrote that gratitude is not only the greatest — but it is also the parent — of all the other virtues.
5. Humor/laughter is serious business for blocking any negative affect.
6. There’s a word for believing you can make things better without distorting reality. That word isn’t optimism; it’s “hope.” (Editorial comment: One of my many goals is to be a realistic optimist.)
7. Empathy can make things worse for you. Empathy is mentally putting yourself in the suffering person’s shoes to feel their pain. Although evidence suggests that empathy really can reduce other people’s burdens, this relief comes at a cost to the empathetic person. (Editorial comment: Guilty as charged. The authors recommend “Against Empathy: The Case for Rational Compassion,” by Paul Bloom. I’ve added it to my reading list.)
8. The authors also recommend practicing compassion, which is defined as recognizing suffering, understanding it, and feeling empathy for the sufferer — but also tolerating the uncomfortable feelings they and the suffering person are experiencing and, crucially, acting to alleviate the suffering. (Editorial comment: Since I suffer from misguided empathy, I’m not sure I completely understand this advice, but I’m hoping the book referred to in No. 7 will help me get there.)
To summarize, the authors recommend that you focus on gratitude, humor, hope, and compassion.
Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier (Part 1)
/in Sharpening Your Personal Leadership Skills/by Tom Doescher——
Tom Doescher
Most people I know want to “be happy.” The book’s authors offer some surprising advice that’s based on their extensive research, which is supported by neuroscience. Based on their findings, I’ve decided to write five blogs to cover this groundbreaking book and podcast. The following are a few of my initial takeaways:
1. Happiness isn’t the goal, and unhappiness isn’t the enemy. That’s because happiness isn’t a destination. Happiness is a direction.
2. Brooks and Winfrey quote Viktor Frankl’s famous book, “Man’s Search for Meaning”: “The way in which a man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity, even under the most difficult circumstances, to add a deeper meaning to his life.”
3. Happiness is a combination of enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose.
4. The truth is, however, that feelings associated with happiness and unhappiness can coexist.
In 1988, psychologists at Southern Methodist University and the University of Minnesota developed the Positive and Negative Affect Schedule (PANAS) to measure the intensity and frequency of positive and negative affect. It indicates whether you tend to experience higher or lower positive and negative emotional states than average. Brooks provides a 20-question PANAS assessment in the book.
The assessment results label your PANAS style as follows:
High Positive Affect, Low Negative Affect — Cheerleader
High Positive Affect, High Negative Affect — Mad Scientist
Low Positive Affect, High Negative Affect — Poet
Low Positive Affect, Low Negative Affect — Judge
Cheerleaders celebrate the good in everything and don’t dwell on the bad, while Poets have trouble enjoying good things and always know when there’s a threat lurking. If we were all Cheerleaders, we would keep making the same mistakes. Poets are valuable for their perspective and creativity. Life is more interesting with Mad Scientists in the mix, and Judges keep us all from blowing ourselves up with impulsive ideas.
I know what you’re saying: “Come on, another assessment?” But remember where Brooks and Winfrey are coming from. They want you to build the life you want — and maybe the company you want, too. I believe this book is an important building block.