Recently I attended a presentation on Mental Health in the Workplace. I hope all of you are at least considering what you may want to do differently in your business, in light of the general deterioration of mental health — especially during and since the Covid pandemic. The presenter painted a pretty sad picture.

Anyway, during her presentation she used the words “Toxic Positivity.” It was the first time I’d ever heard the phrase. I felt like I’d been slapped in the face. Guilty as charged. So, me being me, I ordered a book published in 2022 entitled “Toxic Positivity” by Whitney Goodman. The book explained what toxic positivity is, discussed its dangers, and offered an alternative approach. Here are my key takeaways:

1. How positivity becomes toxic:
• In conversations where someone is looking for support, validation, or compassion, and instead is met with a platitude.
• To shame people into feeling like they’re not doing enough, working hard enough, or that their difficult emotions are invalid.
• To silence someone who has legitimate concerns or questions.

2. At its core, toxic positivity is both well-intentioned and dismissive. We often use it to:
• End the conversation.
• Tell someone why they shouldn’t be feeling what they’re feeling.
• Attempt to make people feel better.
• It may cause the person we’re comforting to feel silenced and ashamed.
• Not all situations have a silver lining. Some situations are just really, really hard, and that’s OK.

3. Try to avoid using a “positive platitude”:
• When someone is upset about something or clearly in the midst of experiencing a difficult emotion.
• Immediately after an event happens, like getting fired from a job.
• While at a funeral.
• When someone tells you that they just want you to listen.

4. Common examples of toxic positivity comments:
• Life will never give you more than you can handle.
• You’ll be fine.
• Don’t cry.
• Time heals all wounds.
• At least it’s not _____.
• Be grateful for what you learned.
• Everything happens for a reason.

My dad would say, “Use your common sense.” This advice seems obvious, but unfortunately most of us have made one or more of the above statements. Often, it’s nervous energy and we feel we need to say something. Silence is OK!

All of the above is taken from the first 28 pages of the book. The author then goes on to provide her opinions about why we use toxic positivity. Her positions aren’t supported by any research (like Jim Collins would provide) and are her personal opinions with nothing to support them.

That being said, I believe Goodman makes a strong case for eliminating toxic positivity by focusing on situations that we’ve all experienced.