The Advisor’s Corner

This is my fifth and final blog based on the recent book and podcast from Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey, “Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier.” In this final post, I’ve elected to save a concept that Brooks calls the “reverse bucket list.”

Most of us have some sort of bucket list. Whether it’s a literal scrap of paper or just a mental inventory, just about everyone has a checklist of experiences and accomplishments they hope to achieve before their time here on earth is up. That makes sense. When we think of how to improve our lives, our first impulse is generally to add things: I’d be happier if my career were going better; a trip to Hawaii would really improve things; everything would be different if I could find a good relationship.

There’s only one problem with this approach — science suggests it tends to backfire.

Having goals is a great way to accomplish the kinds of big ambitions that give life meaning. No one says waiting around on the couch for the universe to do what it will with you is the route to fulfillment. But a mountain of research shows that when you reach your goals, they’re likely to only bring you momentary joy. After a brief high, dissatisfaction creeps in and we start to crave the next thing on the list.

Psychologists call this the “hedonic treadmill.” The rest of us just understand that however much you fantasize about that giant TV, fancy promotion, or glamorous vacation, as soon as you get it, you start eyeing an even bigger screen, the next rung up the ladder, or another exotic locale.

How do you get off this treadmill and find lasting peace of mind? Brooks has taken a deep dive into what truly makes us happy, drawing not just on the latest research but also the wisdom of Thomas Aquinas, Buddha, and that modern sage, Mick Jagger. Based on his research, he offers a simple, practical suggestion: Swap your traditional bucket list for something he dubs a “reverse bucket list.”

Others have used the term “reverse bucket list” before, but Brooks describes exactly what he means by the term as follows: “Each year on my birthday, I list my wants and attachments — the stuff that fits under Thomas Aquinas’s categories of money, power, pleasure, and honor. I try to be completely honest. I don’t list stuff I would actually hate and never choose, like a sailboat or a vacation house. Rather, I go to my weaknesses, most of which — I’m embarrassed to admit — involve the admiration of others for my work,” he writes.

Next, Brooks imagines what his life would look like in five years if he was truly happy and successful — if he was living up to his values and experiencing a sense of psychological peace. The final step is to compare the two lists side-by-side. Would the things he craves actually bring him closer to his vision of the good life?

The point of this exercise isn’t to extinguish your dreams. People often regret not traveling more or starting a business later in life. Running that marathon can be just as good for your self-confidence as it is for your heart. Well-considered goals are great, but you should know why you dream what you dream, and a reverse bucket list can help.

If an item is on your bucket list because it lines up with your deepest desires and values, keep it. If it’s there to impress the neighbors or feed an amorphous and unquenchable need for “success” or validation, onto the reverse bucket list it goes.

When scientists ask people to solve problems of all kinds, their first impulse is to add elements. They think a new feature, additional rule, or extra ingredient will improve the final outcome. Recent research, however, indicates that subtraction is often the better route.

Brooks suggests that the same may be true of our lives. When we feel twinges of dissatisfaction or terror at the shortness of time, we automatically grasp for more: more money, more power, more accolades. But our twinges rarely, if ever, disappear. So instead of grasping for more, maybe take a few minutes and force yourself to consider whether the solution is actually less. Crafting a “reverse bucket list” just might bring you closer to happiness than ticking off even your most impressive bucket list item.

Editorial comment/story: In 2012, Barbara and I led a mission team of high schoolers to Guatemala. One evening a young man from the team asked me, “What’s on your bucket list?” To which I responded, “David, can I think about it and get back to you?” The next day, while we were working on our mission project, I pondered David’s question. That evening I got back to him and said, “David, I’ve been thinking about your question. I’ve lived an amazing life with so many varied, wonderful experiences, especially for a blue collar kid from a rural community. So, to answer your question, I don’t have anything on my bucket list.” I’m not saying I adopted a reverse bucket list strategy. However, as I’ve reflected on my dad’s life, he always seemed at peace with both his successes and disappointments. I think he was living out Brooks’ advice to us, and so am I. And, as you know, I am the Lucky Guy!