The Advisor’s Corner

Crucial Conversations, Part 2

December 23, 2013/in Sharpening Your Personal Leadership Skills/by Tom Doescher

This is a continuation of our key takeaways from a wonderful book entitled Crucial Conversations. Here goes …

Stay alert for the moment a conversation turns from a routine or harmless discussion into a crucial one. As you anticipate entering a tough conversation, pay heed to the fact that you’re about to enter the danger zone.
When others start forcing their opinions into the pool of meaning, it’s often because they figure that you’re trying to win (versus have a healthy dialogue), and they believe they need to do the same.
The instant people perceive disrespect in a conversation, the interaction is no longer about the original purpose — it is now about defending dignity. (Editorial comment: No matter what, we need to behave as healthy adults.)
When you’ve made a mistake that has hurt someone, start with an apology. (Click here to read our November 11, 2013, blog post.)
As already mentioned, often both parties are trying to force their view. Say to the other person, “I commit to stay in this discussion until we have a solution both of us are happy with.”
Other people don’t make you mad; you and only you create your strong emotions. You either find a way to master them, or you fall hostage to them.
Just after we observe what others do and just before we feel some emotion about it, we “tell ourselves a story.” We add meaning, motive, and judgment to the action we observed (i.e., he doesn’t trust me, thinks I am weak, etc.). Then we respond with emotion. Don’t confuse stories with facts. (Editorial comment: This point is huge. Has anyone ever said to you, “I know what he is thinking”? How do they know?)
The three most common unhealthy stories: Victim Stories — “It’s not my fault”; Villain Stories — “It’s all your fault”; and Helpless Stories — “There’s nothing else I can do.”

We’ll continue this discussion in two weeks. As we recommended in our last blog post, there is so much meat here, you may want to print this list and keep it nearby so you can reference it.

Crucial Conversations

December 9, 2013/in Sharpening Your Personal Leadership Skills/by Tom Doescher

Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler is the most recent Top Picks entry on our Book List. It was actually published in 2002, and we somehow missed it. This book is so practical and applicable; we have decided to memorialize the key points in our blog. In case you don’t have the time to read it, you will at least get our main takeaways — with, of course, some editorial comments. Here goes…

A crucial conversation is a discussion between two or more people where the stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong. (Editorial comment: We have several of those every week.)
We usually handle crucial conversations one of three ways: we avoid them; we face them and handle them poorly; or we face them and handle them well.
The negative feelings we hold in, the emotional pain we suffer, and the constant battering we endure as we stumble our way through unhealthy conversations slowly eats away at our “health.”
At the core of every successful conversation lies the free flow of relevant information, or a dialogue.
Each of us enters conversations with our own opinions, feelings, theories, and experiences about the topic at hand.
Remember that the only person you can directly control is yourself.
First focus on “what you really want for yourself, for others, and for the relationship.” What is the mutual purpose of the conversation?
Wanting to win or seeking revenge is a dialogue-killer.

This topic will be continued in two weeks. There is so much meat here, you may want to print this list and keep it nearby so you can reference it.

That’s good business. Or is it?

November 25, 2013/in Extraordinary Customer/Client Service/by Tom Doescher

Our Internet service is directly billed to our credit card, and we earn points that enable us to go skiing. A few months ago, the charge to our credit card unexpectedly increased 50 percent — so we contacted the service provider. After a lengthy, awkward conversation, the customer service rep actually reduced our monthly fee by 15 percent from what we paid the prior year.

We were sharing this story with some business colleagues and we told them that what really upset us was the fact that we knew many people, who would just accept the charge, and not ask questions or jump through the required hoops to get the charge adjusted. At the end of the conversation, our colleagues stated that what our service provider had done was, in their estimation, “good business.” Indeed, if maximizing profit in the short run is your business goal, then this sneaky tactic is a fantastic idea. But those of us who are in business for the long run believe it is a horrible practice.

We checked our service provider’s website, and they clearly profess that their customers come first. Take a minute to consider this: Do your business practices really put the customer first? In “I’m Sorry”, we wrote about the idea of integrity. If that’s not a trait you’re willing to vigorously pursue, please don’t promise that the customer is No. 1, and then turn around and behave like our Internet provider. In our opinion, it would be better to remain silent on the subject.

Crucial Conversations, Part 2

Crucial Conversations

That’s good business. Or is it?

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