This is my fourth post based on the recent book by Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey. In this post, I’ll share what Brooks and Winfrey propose we should focus on instead of the idols discussed in my last blog. Here are their four categories:

Family — These are the people we’re given in our lives and generally don’t choose (except our spouses).

Friendship — This is the bond with people we love deeply but who aren’t our kin. According to the 80-year Harvard study that I’ve blogged about in the past, the healthiest and happiest people at age 80 tend to have had a few special relationships at age 50.

Work — Meaningful work is our primary daily toil; it creates value in our lives and in the lives of others, in the marketplace (whether paid or as a volunteer), in the home, or in all three. Job satisfaction and life satisfaction are positively correlated.

Faith — This doesn’t mean a specific religion; rather, it’s a shorthand term for having a transcendent view and approach to life.

Here are a few takeaways from the book for each category:

Family

1. Don’t read minds — or, as Don Miguel Ruiz taught us in his book “The Four Agreements,” don’t assume you know. Ask and listen.
2. The authors provide some great, practical advice regarding selecting a spouse.
3. Avoid chronic negativity.
4. Ask for forgiveness and forgive others.
5. Tell the truth (Editorial comment: In love.)
6. Never give up. Giving up is almost always a mistake.

Friendship

1. Know thyself and get to know your friends.
2. The authors spend a fair amount of time suggesting that most people only have a few real friends. They don’t count all our superficial relationships.
3. Recognize your attachments/idols.
4. Be committed to humility.

Work

1. Meaningful work that raises your happiness doesn’t mean finding a specific job with a lot of prestige or income.
2. Get satisfaction from your accomplishments and see meaning in your efforts.
3. Think of your work as service to others.
4. People who struggle with workaholism can easily deny that it’s a problem.

Editorial comment: I believe that, in my second career, I’ve been able to truly integrate my life. I don’t believe my work is my identity, but it’s a significant element to me fulfilling my life’s purpose to Love God, Love People. In the last decade, I’ve been able to use my business knowledge and connections to help hundreds of people, including disadvantaged minorities. I’ve never experienced so much joy (I prefer the word joy to happiness).

Faith

1. In particular, Brooks has a deep knowledge of the major world religions and even speaks to atheism. I won’t even attempt to summarize his thoughts.
2. Editorial comment: I believe that at the inner core of all of us is a spirit, or soul, or whatever you want to label it. To me, it’s the “command center” that drives our behaviors and causes us to do this and not that. It’s at the root of our actions. Over the years, I’ve shared my Christian beliefs with people all over the world. Often I would say, “This is what I believe and base my life on. What do you believe?”

Hopefully this provides you with enough information to perform a self-assessment of your life and, if necessary, a course correction.