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Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier (Part 2)
Tom Doescher
Here are some of my takeaways related to metacognition:
1. Say your last performance review at work was substantially positive, filled with lots of compliments and pats on the back. But then there was that one mild criticism (a little thorn among the roses). That’s what you focus on, right? Guilty as charged.
2. According to the authors, our “sensitivity to negative bias” is too high.
3. Brain scientists have proven that gratitude raises our positive emotions.
4. Cicero wrote that gratitude is not only the greatest — but it is also the parent — of all the other virtues.
5. Humor/laughter is serious business for blocking any negative affect.
6. There’s a word for believing you can make things better without distorting reality. That word isn’t optimism; it’s “hope.” (Editorial comment: One of my many goals is to be a realistic optimist.)
7. Empathy can make things worse for you. Empathy is mentally putting yourself in the suffering person’s shoes to feel their pain. Although evidence suggests that empathy really can reduce other people’s burdens, this relief comes at a cost to the empathetic person. (Editorial comment: Guilty as charged. The authors recommend “Against Empathy: The Case for Rational Compassion,” by Paul Bloom. I’ve added it to my reading list.)
8. The authors also recommend practicing compassion, which is defined as recognizing suffering, understanding it, and feeling empathy for the sufferer — but also tolerating the uncomfortable feelings they and the suffering person are experiencing and, crucially, acting to alleviate the suffering. (Editorial comment: Since I suffer from misguided empathy, I’m not sure I completely understand this advice, but I’m hoping the book referred to in No. 7 will help me get there.)
To summarize, the authors recommend that you focus on gratitude, humor, hope, and compassion.