- Am I pretending not to notice my role in the problem?
- Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do this?
- We should make sure we tell our story as a story, rather than disguising it as a fact (i.e. I was wondering why …).
- Most arguments consist of battles over the 5 to 10 percent of the facts and stories about which people disagree.
- Decide how to decide. The four methods of decision-making are: Command, Consult, Vote, and Consensus. To determine which method you’re using, ask these four questions: Who cares? Who knows? Who must agree? How many people is it worth involving? (Editorial comment: Our mentor used to say, “Be careful what you ask for.”)
- Consult with others regarding a decision when: (1) many people will be affected, (2) you can gather information relatively easily, (3) people care about the decision, and (4) there are many options, some of them controversial.
- To avoid common decision-making traps, make sure you consider the following four elements: Who? Does what? By when? How will you follow up?
We would still highly recommend reading the book, unless you live in a cave by yourself and have no contact with other people. When we reflect on the really great leaders we personally know, we realize they are all experts at deftly handling crucial conversations.
Let’s all commit to improving our crucial conversation skills this year.